90min’s Definitive European Player Power Rankings: Week 26 – Seinfeld Special

Robert Lewandowski
Robert Lewandowski bagged another 2 goals against Freiburg | Alexander Hassenstein/Getty Images

Well hi there. Long time no see.

Football around Europe has finally made its long-awaited return, and that means 90mins Definitive European Player Power Rankings is back! Hold your applause, hold your applause.

We’ve got to come back with a bang, and there’s only one way to do that.

Ladies and gentlemen, it’s Seinfeld time.

Timo WernerTimo Werner
Werner is on his way to Chelsea | Maja Hitij/Getty Images

“People don’t turn down money. This is what separates us from animals.”

Werner might not have been at his best since football’s return, but he still earned himself an enormous move to Chelsea. Fair play.

Mohamed SalahMohamed Salah
Salah fired Liverpool to a 4-0 win over Crystal Palace | Sebastian Frej/MB Media/Getty Images

“What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses—like they’re trophies. What do you need it for after you read it?”

A goal? Check.

An assist? Check.

A Premier League trophy? Check.

Carlos ViniciusCarlos Vinicius
Vinícius got back to scoring ways against Santa Clara | TF-Images/Getty Images

“I love a good nap. Sometimes it’s the only thing getting me out of bed in the morning.”

After a stellar few months, Vinícius had a pretty hefty sleep as he went three months (also known as five games) without a goal.

Two on Tuesday was a good way to get back on track, mind.

Atalanta BC v SS Lazio - Serie AAtalanta BC v SS Lazio - Serie A
Immobile couldn’t lead Lazio to victory over Atalanta | Marco Rosi – SS Lazio/Getty Images

“Yeah, I’m a great quitter. It’s one of the few things I do well. I come from a long line of quitters. My father was a quitter, my grandfather was a quitter. I was raised to give up.”

Immobile drew a blank as Lazio gave up a two-goal lead against Atalanta, falling to a 3-2 defeat and dropping four points behind Juventus.

UEFA Europa League"KAA Gent v AS Roma"UEFA Europa League"KAA Gent v AS Roma"
Dzeko had his scoring boots on against Sampdoria | ANP Sport/Getty Images

“You know I always wanted to pretend I was an architect.”

Roma has seen more than its fair share of famous architects in the past, and the man responsible for building success these days is Džeko.

The Bosnian bagged two goals in his side’s return to action – a 2-1 win over Sampdoria which keeps Roma in the race for Champions League qualification.

Marko Grujic, Kai HavertzMarko Grujic, Kai Havertz
Havertz has been linked with an expensive transfer to Chelsea or Real Madrid | Pool/Getty Images

“SERENITY NOW!”

It’s been a hectic few weeks for Havertz, but things have started to calm down. A 2-0 loss to Hertha BSC saw Bayer Leverkusen drop out of the top four. Not ideal.

FBL-EURO-2020-QUALIFIER-NOR-FROFBL-EURO-2020-QUALIFIER-NOR-FRO
Sorloth looks nothing like the man who flopped in England | FREDRIK HAGEN/Getty Images

“Yada, yada, yada.”

27 goals and nine assists for Sörloth this season. He managed one and one with Crystal Palace. What’s going on?

FBL-ENG-PR-CHELSEA-MAN CITYFBL-ENG-PR-CHELSEA-MAN CITY
Pulisic was outstanding against Manchester City | PAUL CHILDS/Getty Images

“No soup for you!”

Not only did Pulisic seal the Premier League title for Liverpool, but he may also have put the final nail in Benjamin Mendy’s coffin at Manchester City.

Anthony MartialAnthony Martial
Martial scored the first Manchester United hat-trick since Sir Alex Ferguson’s retirement | Michael Steele/Getty Images

“I’m busting, Jerry! I’m busting!”

With Bruno Fernandes behind him, Martial is just oozing goals.

He bagged the first post-Fergie hat-trick for Manchester United and looks ready to force his team back into Europe.

Jadon SanchoJadon Sancho
Sancho is wanted by Manchester United | Lars Baron/Getty Images

“You know the message you’re sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You’re telling the world, ‘I give up. I can’t compete in normal society. I’m miserable, so I might as well be comfortable.”

Has Sancho given up on Dortmund? Well, that’s what some reports would have you believe…

Romelu LukakuRomelu Lukaku
Lukaku is doing his best to get Inter back into the title race | Soccrates Images/Getty Images

“Hey believe me, baldness will catch on. When the aliens come, who do you think they’re gonna relate to? Who do you think is going to be the first ones getting a tour of the ship?”

Lukaku is really bald these days. There’s your link to that reference.

Alongside regularly shaving his head, he’s also banged two goals in his last two games.

Erling HaalanErling Haalan
Haaland helped Dortmund secure 2nd in the Bundesliga | Pool/Getty Images

“The sea was angry that day, my friends, like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli.”

It’s not only old men who get angry. 19-year-old Haaland looked like a man possessed when he fired two goals past RB Leipzig, cementing Dortmund’s spot in second.

Cristiano RonaldoCristiano Ronaldo
Ronaldo got back on the score sheet against Bologna | Marco Rosi/Getty Images

“That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.”

Ronaldo did nothing to help Juventus during their first few games back, but finally contributed something in the 2-0 win over Bologna. Nothing like a good penalty.

Lionel MessiLionel Messi
Messi has helped keep Barcelona in the title race | Eric Alonso/Getty Images

“When you control the mail, you control…information.”

Messi controls everything on the pitch. ‘Nuff said.

Robert LewandowskiRobert Lewandowski
Lewandowski is on top of the world these days | Alexander Hassenstein/Getty Images

“I gotta focus. I’m shifting into soup mode.”

Lewandowski has been in soup mode all year. The Bayern man is on one this year.

Four consecutive games with a goal. Six goals and two assists. Nobody on the planet is doing what Lewandowski is doing this year.

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