Yeah, Mr White! Yeah, rankings!
It’s been a pretty busy week in the world of football. There have been plenty of goals and just as much drama to go alongside, and we’ve got some ranking to do. If only we had a science teacher from Albuquerque to help us out with some quotes…
What’s that? We’ve got the cast of Breaking Bad here? Well that’s fantastic news.
Let’s get cooking, baybee.
15. Alex Telles (New Entry)
“It’s over. We’re safe.”
14. Fabio Quagliarella (New Entry)
“Ah, like I came to you, begging to cook meth. Oh, hey, nerdiest old dude I know, you wanna come cook crystal? Please. I’d ask my diaper-wearing granny, but her wheelchair wouldn’t fit in the RV.”
It’s not easy to bag a goal and an assist in each of your last two games, and it’s even harder when you’re 1,000 years old.
13. Alexander Isak (New Entry)
Still just 20 years old, he’s really getting his groove on these days.
Alexander Sörloth (-)
“The moral of the story is…I chose a half measure, when I should have gone all the way. I’ll never make that mistake again. No more half measures, Walter.”
Sörloth isn’t doing anything by half measures these days.
He bagged another assist against
Josip Iličić (-)
Iličić wasn’t at his best against Fiorentina, but Atalanta still managed to come out on the winning side. How nice.
10. Erling Haaland (Down 2)
9. Timo Werner (Down 3)
8. Robert Lewandowski (Down 1)
“I’m not saying it’s not bad. It’s bad. But it could be worse.”
Like Werner, Lewandowski also failed to find the back of the net in Sunday’s 0-0 draw, bringing his three-game streak to an abrupt end.
7. Ciro Immobile (Down 5)
Next up on the list of electric strikers who weren’t so electric this week is Immobile.
He drew blanks in both of Lazio’s games this week, which means he is currently on his joint-longest dry streak of the season.
At two games, that’s not really an issue. But, y’know, should probably start scoring again soon.
6. Romelu Lukaku (Up 9)
“I did it for me. I liked it. I was good at it. And I was really – I was alive.”
Proving the doubters wrong? Good.
Winning the Milan derby? Great.
5. Kylian Mbappé (Up 5)
4. Carlos Vinícius (Up 5)
“If you don’t know who I am, then maybe your best course would be to tread lightly.”
Here we are again, another week in which Vinícius stole the show for Benfica. This is getting silly.
Seriously, this guy is on fire.
3. Lionel Messi (Up 1)
“You know. You all know exactly who I am. Say my name.”
Just the three assists for Messi this week. That’s five in his last two games.
He’s just floating around and doing whatever he wants on a pitch, like he always does.
2. Jadon Sancho (Up 1)
“Jesse, you asked me if I was in the meth business, or the money business…Neither. I’m in the empire business.”
The Empire of Sancho is about as powerful as it has ever been.
The Dortmund winger is doing it all these days, and he’s putting up the kind of numbers which most players can’t even manage in video games.
1. Cristiano Ronaldo (-)
“You clearly don’t know who you’re talking to, so let me clue you in. I am not in danger, Skyler. I am the danger. A guy opens his door and gets shot, and you think that of me? No! I am the one who knocks!”
What’s the point? Let’s all just go home. Why would you bother trying to stop Ronaldo when he’s in this form?
That’s ten games in a row with a goal for the Juventus man, who is terrorising defences all over Italy.
There’s a record on the horizon. Can he score in yet another game? See you next week.
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